I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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