If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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