did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Quick, to the slutcave!
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
