Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Plan B is the new Plan A
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
