OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
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