What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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