I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
