He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
