I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
