can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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