Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
