I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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