I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
