I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize