I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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