At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
