Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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