guys are not supposed to queef...right?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
