He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
