No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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