It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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