Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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