Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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