I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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