Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
