take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
