We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize