Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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