I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
