she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
