I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
