so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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