Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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