Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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