He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
