she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
