The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
