We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize