i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
