Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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