a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
