Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
