I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
