Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize