Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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