Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Drunk is a universal language darling
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
