this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
