you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize