id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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