It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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