I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
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