NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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