Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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