OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just gift wrapped bread.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
