Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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