There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Are we still banned from the library?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
