yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
