I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
