If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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