the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
