Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
