He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
