watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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