This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
