Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
