I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Randomize