don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
