so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
