I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
