this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
