Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
This is classic penis vs brain.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
