That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
