He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
