Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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