I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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