Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
