So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
