Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
