You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
