This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
