So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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