Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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