So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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