Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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