So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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