Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize