Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
