how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
