Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize