note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
