I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
