I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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