they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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