we have pet lesbian snakes
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
