I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
