You were right. It hurts to walk today.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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