As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
jump out the window naked night went bad
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
