Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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