i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
