Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize