Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I need to calm my uterus...
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
